Snippets from the Dust: Why we are where we are, revisited

It has been nearly a month since I sat down, reeling to recover from a spinning 10 day journey to some of Val’s former mission territory.

I wrote eleven pages without blinking, covering half of what I hoped to remember. Then Kristen told me that she needs it in smaller chunks. What if you send it in installments, mom? Great thought! Here is installment number one:

First of all, milestones merit meditation. Many of you heard parts of this story, and Val still differs with some of us on the details; however, it is worth remembering and putting in writing why we are where we are. This year marked a twenty year anniversary for Val and Laurene. It is fun to remember, to explain to our friends our “story.” I met Val trying to sign up to help in a First Aid booth. In charge of such things at the Church Ensign Ranch, (CleElum, Washington, USA)

he explained a commitment of a two hour block—very daunting when I thought about trying to corral a four year old around a “medic” table in the woods with so much to explore.

No problem. I decided to avoid the Val Starkey “boss” and all would be well. No volunteering needed--I was already a “volunteer--” a parent.

Shortly thereafter, Val got my name at a single’s activity at Factoria Chapel.

I had driven with Janice Shade, a high school friend considering coming back to singles. She and I invited Ellen McLellin, age 70 +, wife of Pasco’s former patriarch. Ellen would come with us to the temple and attend the dance to question the young men, to verify their good intentions. Janice met a cowboy from Richland, and I lost Janice. Ellen convinced me to take patience. You can do this. I listened. If I was going to stick out this dance until the last dregs, I made a pact that I would not talk very much. I would say “yes” and “no,” answer questions, but in the lateness of the hour, my answers would be brief. Just after this, the man who met us at the door to take names and was moving chairs and fans, introduced himself as Val Starkey and asked if I would like to dance. Okay. (This dance was a trial run. Kind of like when you are a young teen, going to a first dance—it is comforting to think you will never meet any of these people again! The location was four hours away from my home.)

The man was tall. We danced once, then again, and again. The songs were fast. Then they were slow. Oh no! Now comes time to talk. I thought, “This is really nice music.” Then he asked, “Do you like music?” I thought, “I wonder if he has a family?” He asked, “Tell me about your family.” His brother worked in the Church in the same department of family history as my father’s brother, and Val had five children. Five children! (“A captain with seven children, what do you think about that?”)

Over and over, a topic came to my mind and this person dancing with me would ask the very same thing. Uncanny! Later, a friend Renee, with cerebral palsy, heard my story, and asked if she could come with me to the next activity. She wanted to meet the man who could read minds!

Driving home over the mountain pass, I asked Janice if she would consider a deeper relationship with her cowboy friend. He had six children. “I cannot have any more. I would like more. Six children would be wonderful!” I personally had not thought of dating someone with children, nonetheless with five children. In my BYU parenting class, I skipped the chapter on step-parenting, and sold back the book. No need for this. However, as the question rebounded--to contemplate a larger family, something happened in my heart I did not know if I could be ready for. I remember Isaiah 52:15: “and the kings shall shut their mouths…and that which they had not heard shall they consider.”

Weeks later, I brought friends, including Renee (to meet the man who reads minds) to another activity. During the dance, I wondered where Val Starkey went—he had disappeared! I found out later where he was--talking with my friend who could not dance. It was in Yakima that Val procured my phone number—another story. Weeks passed where he would travel four hours over the Cascade Mountains to come to activities and make time to spend together.

After a good amount of time, I remember having dreams nightly. I dreamt I was serving a mission. I kept having the dream. Finally, I prayed about it—why in the world was I having this dream? I had two little girls, one age four and one not yet two. I could not be a missionary. One morning, I woke to see a map of the world on the wall. I thought of all the places there were to travel, to be a missionary. I could be a missionary, “in twenty years!” Oh yes. But then there comes a question. Who will be my companion? An idea came to my mind: “Val Starkey.”

I explained in one of my previous letters the aura of a testimony meeting—that “fire in the bones.” Well, a wonderful warm feeling traveled from the top of my head, encompassed my heart, and the rest of me. In Alma, it tells how to know if something is good: (Alma 32:33,34) if “it swelleth and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, ye must needs know that the seed is good…for ye know that the word hath swelled your souls, and ye also know that it hath sprouted up, that your understanding doth begin to be enlightened, and your ^dmind doth begin to expand.”

Great idea! After deciding it was good, and not wanting to keep the thought all to myself, I walked to the kitchen and dialed Val. Never mind that it was five in the morning. (He worked at six, he would be up.) “Good morning!” “Hi, Val…How are you doing?

Just wondering what you are doing in twenty years?” (Val proceeded to drop the telephone.) He contests now that we had only dated six weeks, and that my question was remarkably forward.

Maybe so, but this June (and again in October) we celebrated twenty years of being married and sealed.

Twenty years. And here we are!

The Lord plants seeds that help us to consider things that will bring blessings to our lives and others.

So Alma chapter 32 ends:

37 And behold, as the tree beginneth to grow,

ye will say: Let us nourish it with great care, that it may get root, that it may grow up, and bring forth fruit unto us. And now behold, if ye nourish it with much care it will get root, and grow up, and bring forth fruit…

41 But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with ^apatience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree ^bspringing up unto everlasting life.

42 And because of your ^adiligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the ^bfruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.

These are words that describe our past six months. Ten days of traversing a Central American countryside, meeting members of tiny branches that have blossomed to wards and stakes,

meeting travelers and new friends

from many walks of life,

with interesting stories, and beautiful lives

with the hand of the Lord interwoven therein,

we can see tangible rewards of faith, diligence, patience, long-suffering, and the fruit of the tree. (Alma 32:43)

Feasting upon two turkeys this week, remembering past pilgrims and pioneers, we acknowledge Providence for the goodness we see around us, for ears, a heart, and language with which to communicate and listen, and seeds of faith to water and nurture.

Thank you for being among the fruit “that is most precious” to help us know and feel we can feast and be filled with the love of a Heavenly Father for His beautiful cherished children—some of them are ours! And some of them are our friends. Aren’t we lucky? And blessed! May you see milestones in your path,